It’s not supposed to be this hard, or at least, thats whats embedded in my brain. Life was never meant to be this damn hard. You’re supposed to be born, be a happy kid and play as much as you can. When you fall, your mom is there to pick you up, to give you a kiss on the sore spot and you carry on playing. You’re not supposed to grow up, and find out that each time you fall, it hurts more.
Nobody told me that being grown meant feeling alone, surrounded by a world of people, trying to figure out what the fuck you’re supposed to do with all the talents you are given. Trying to live up to all the expectations. Trying to keep your head above the water, keeping from drowning in the sea that is adult responsibility.
I have always loved the sea, to immerse my self bellyup in the vast amount of water, feeling part of something bigger. I loved feeling connected to the rest of the world through gallons and gallons of water. The human body contains about 70% of water on average (but this depends on a lot of things, like being obese or not), just like the surface of the earth is covered with about that amount of water, too. Now, I am not so sure anymore. I’m not sure I want to be a part of this world, where people still generally put their own gain first. First feed yourself and then maybe, just maybe the rest of the world. I mean, I get it though. In most, it’s a natural instinct to fight for your own survival, to make sure you get a chance to procreate. If you fall into the ocean, you try to swim.
In southern Africa they have this word, “ubuntu”. It’s not something that can be translated easily (and I certainly cannot claim to know anything about the language that it stems from), and you will find many different definitions when entered in a random search engine.
Ubuntu could mean that a group of people sitting in a circle around a pot of stew, and only one long spoon to eat with, each will use the long spoon to feed another. It could mean that a group of kids, when promised a big basket of fruit as prize for winning a running contest, joins hands to all finish at the same time and share the prize. It could mean “I am, because we all are. I am, because we share in humanness”. This much is clear; ubuntu represents a way of life, where it’s not necessarily bad to look out for your own enrichment., as long as you do it to serve a bigger purpose, to serve the community as a whole. If you are suffering, or failing to survive, you cannot help others, so some degree of selfpreservation is needed. But helping others certainly IS part of the deal.
Looking at today’s world is both depressing and uplifting at the same time. Depressing, because people still kill each other. People still disrespect each other. People are mean, people hate, people suffer. Uplifting, because despite of all the sadness and hurt and hate going around, people are trying their best to be nice to others, to perform random acts of kindness, people still try to fight all the injustice present with all their might. Good versus evil is an ongoing battle; evil is fighting a nasty fight. But the good part is: Good is not giving up. Good still has the hope that someday, it will prevail.
I am still not sure about anything, at all. Sometimes, in spite of all the Good, Bad just gets to you. Sometimes it’s hard to see the silver lining. Sometimes it’s hard to believe, keep hope, that after rain comes shine. Sometimes rain comes after shine. Sometimes… It just seems like the sadness never ends. Sometimes, in stead of dancing in the rain, you just get wet, really wet, and cold, and sick. It’s in those moments that you can really benefit from the love and care from another person.
Never stop caring. Never stop loving others. Never forget to fight to let the Good prevail. Never lose hope. Never.