Morning in the woods

nature-forest-park-trees-1669The trees around me are tall, old, and green as I walk up to the mansion. The forest bed is soft, covered in pine needles, and I can feel my feet sink in, bounce a little as I walk. The sun has just come up, and shines its early rays through the branches of oaks, birches, evergreens. If you didn’t already believe in magic, this would be the moment to start. The fallen leaves in the ground break my step, and every sound is absorbed. A bird breaks out into his first song of the day, and I stand still to enjoy the highs and lows of the melody. I think of how life is like a melody as well, up and down, and it makes me appreciate the moment even more.

The path leading up to the house is lined with buxus. The hedges look out of place, because planted by man, yet fit the green scene well at the same time. It looks like they have just been groomed, to hip height. As I walk towards the house, I see a dark shape come my way. I immediately know I don’t want him to see me – I know who he is.

The mansion is the house of my brother and his girlfriend. We had a party there the night before, and instead of sleeping at their house, I agreed to meet hem again in the morning for brunch. I always have a place to sleep at my brother’s, so this is significant, though it doesn’t feel strange. Walking up the driveway, I had no desire to be distracted by this man, blond, straight hair, and tall. His shirt was preppy, collegiate, there was a Lauren or Hilfiger logo somewhere, I’m not sure. He looked familiar, but I couldn’t put my finger to it. Still maybe a little hungover, I let myself fall to the ground, and I rolled underneath the hedge. I hoped I’d done it soon enough for him not to notice me, and that the bushes were thick enough to cover me.

The footsteps came closer. The woods absorbed all the sound, even his light tread, but the cracking of pine cones betrayed his presence. I kept still, looked up through the tiny leaves. I prayed he would continue on his walk, but alas. “Hey babe, what are you doing on the ground?” He bowed his head towards me. I mumbled something about dropping my keys, hoping it would sound convincing. We started talking nonsense, like the little chit chat between exes that haven’t seen each other in ages, trying to prove you’re doing fine without the other. We walked up to the house together. He was good looking, but had the confidence of a guy that revealed he knew just how handsome he was – like he felt like he was god’s gift to women. He wasn’t arrogant, or unkind about it though. It was a humble form of knowing his worth.

The man told me he was sent out to look for me. Apparently, my sister-in-law thought he’d be a good match for me. I love her for having my best interest at heart, for wanting me to be happy in love, but I wasn’t interested. My heart is with J. and will always be. I tried to explain that to her once more, and brushed her match making off. I decided to just be friendly with the guy, he seemed nice enough.

It felt nice, talking to him. We talked for a long time, and as I got to know him better, it felt really nice, familiar and he seemed to like me back. In my dream, I noticed an attraction to this man. He was a gentleman, well-mannered, good-looking, and a dentist. I hated for Eline to be right, to connect me with a man that wasn’t J, because I knew that in the end I would still end up with J. This man would just be a fling, if anything. I didn’t want Eline to know I had feelings for this person too. We went out to the veranda, and kissed. There was a Mediterranean looking table, cast iron and mosaic, there with all kinds of breakfast food; OJ, Bacon, scrambled eggs, croissants.. I only had eyes for the man, and the way he hugged me. He was very into the kissing, had a boner. He thought it wouldn’t be long before we would do it, so he went looking for condoms.

In the mean time, he had a little flip-over agenda set up on the table. It was made of paper, but worked like an iPad, and I accidentally noticed how he had exchanged messages with a friend of his, who asked if “she had let him come inside her last night”. The guy had responded that no, he had come on the grass, but that he would have loved filling her up. I saw the messages on accident, but was appalled, because it made him sound like a complete dick for talking about a girl that way. The girl turned out to be my sister-in-law; apparently she and my brother had some kind of very open agreement about her being open to bone other dudes.

How can a person sit here one moment, whispering sweet nothings in my ear, kissing me gently, hugging me, and text about royally fucking another girl the night before? How could I be sure that he wasn’t doing all that just to fuck with me too? I followed the guy inside, the windows covered by a peach colored cloth left over from the night before, and looked for my brother and his love. I got some orange juice, and talked to her about the man. “Yes, we did it, Sander is open like that!” She said. He is cool with guys having sex with e, as long as they don’t ejaculate in me – which is why he came in the grass. But other than that, he’s fine.

I continued to talk to the man, but was not interested at all anymore. I made polite conversation. At some point, I thought he had said he was 26, so younger than I am. I didn’t like the thought of that, and asked him again. As he was a dentist, 26 seemed unrealistic. He laughed and admitted, “noooo, I am 42. Does that change things?” I paused and thought. It does change some things, but the attraction was still gone. I want to be with J, and again, the experience with this man had strengthened my belief. No matter how attractive a man is, how much he reminds me of a poster boy, I will never want anyone more than I want J. All pressure fell away from me that second. I shook my head, and exited the house. My brother knew I’d be back, but not for a romantic set-up.

I would be getting married to my J. there.

This dream came to me in the night of January 18th to the 19th 2016.

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